"Hey 12-Grain Bread Makers, Settle The Hell Down.."

I've sort of let go of my standards when it comes to recent television programs and have been dabbling excessively in reality tv. Here are the shows in summation:

Flipping Out - I love Jeff Lewis. He's my gubby (gay hubby).


Jersey Shore - Watching the disaster that is Sammi and Ronnie is almost harder than admitting that I actually watch the show.


Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations - He eats, curses, drinks, and judges even more on this new season. I feel though that he may have forgotten his toothbrush on his travels. Nevertheless, tough job. Plus he's away from his wife and kids and getting paid for it. The American Dream y'all.


Restaurant Impossible - Am I the only one who thinks Robert Irvine is attractive?


Chopped- Ironic title for a show whose contestants are literally cutting phalanges off on their surrounding chopping boards.


The Real Housewives of New Jersey - Teresa and Joe Giudice are ballin' through bankruptcy and tacky taste. Spoiled Ashley needs to be run over by her Jeep that her parents bought for her. Caroline Manzo needs to relinquish her obsession with Alexa Ray Joel (she won't be marrying your son, sorry).
Melissa, your boredom and velour outfits will not kick off your singing career. Just stop.

Jerseylicious - Why do I watch this?! Olivia is what I am naming my daughter, and sadly there is one on the show who wears leather chaps with lace leggings. I also did not know the "perfect smoky eye" came from Jersey, who knew...


The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - The season premiere (post Russell Armstrong suicide) was on last night. The Bravo Channel quickly covered its ass by injecting into the premiere, a clip of the ladies in mourning after the incident and after the episode, a "Suicide Hotline" commercial. I feel for Taylor, she was already a collagen-esque mess so we can only imagine what she's going through now.

Lisa Vanderpump, her hubby Ken, and their toy dog-always-under-his-arm Giggy should have their US Visas taken away permanently and be relocated to the Libyan border. I'm actually liking Camille Grammer more this season because she is divorcing a total d-bag and doesn't talk as much. Kyle Richards and Adrienne stand as my faves, mostly because Kyle had children too young and Adrienne married a plastic surgeon. My life goal in one sentence..



Most Eligible Dallas - I just let out a huge Rick Ross-like grunt upon typing this entry. I feel like none of these people are anywhere near "most eligible".
Drew, yea you have a 24/7 concierge that feeds fries to your dogs, but you are an embarrassment to the gay community that knows about exotic cars.
Glenn, you played for a dozen NFL teams yet no one knows who you are or cares as they are blinded by your glossy bald head.
Tara, are you wearing dentures? I swear, watch her speak!
Matt and Courtney you both are so annoying and in denial. We know you have 3 kids together, most likely hiding in Angelina & Brad's french maison basement. You are fooling no one!

Keeping Up With the Kardashians - I don't think I can keep up with them anymore. It is really exhausting to be so fascinated by brunette weaves and cheek implants. Kim was just proposed to on the episode last night and Ryan Seacrest has been dreaming of this wedding ever since he was a little girl.