Top Ten Irrational Fears

In no particular order.

• Getting locked in a department store and having to spend the night there alone with only the merchandise and mannequins to talk to.
• Dropping something of importance into a storm drain or street gutter, i.e. keys, phone, self-respect.
• Falling into a volcano. I don't know how this situation would be set up although I've been to the volcanoes in Nicaragua and uh I saw no safety rails, hazardous signs, or a heads up anywhere, so this one could happen guys.
• Having my teeth fall out. Could be just one, or all. Oh the horror! I dream about it a lot, and I know there are multiple interpretations as to its significance; however, at the end of the day, you will be left with less or no teeth so you lose. True story, (and I have many witnesses) in 5th grade, at Alexander Montessori, one of my peers walked into the class headbanging to his own disturbing heavy metal thoughts and banged his tooth on the classroom television. Not knowing what happened, he looked up at us and there he stood, with only one front tooth. I'm pretty sure we all peed our pants that day as we got on the floor and searched for his tooth. We found it, and thanks to some cosmetic procedures, he has all his teeth to this day.
• Slipping and falling on black ice. This is an easy given. Black ice is the devil. I was first introduced to it during my college years in New England and you just don't see it. It blends in with the asphalt and is attributed to tons of car accidents and hilarious slip-n-falls that I witnessed on campus. I didn't drive up north so that was taken out of the equation but I'm not perfect. I slid on black ice countless times but never fell and I knew people saw me so I'd always turn around and say, "guys be careful with that right there." That sort of acknowledgement lessened the embarrassment.
• Closing my medicine cabinet mirror and seeing a ghost or apparition. Could be Anna Nicole in all her beauty but if you are deceased or not my sister telling me to move over so she can straighten her hair, then I do not want to see your reflection behind me.

•  Having anything pierce/brush/taunt my eyeball. Weird to even think about, I know. I panic when I can feel an eyelash. If you want to torture me, show me a Lasik eye procedure. Holy crap.
• Getting stuck in an elevator with someone who likes to talk a lot, is gassy, or claustrophobic. Spare  me.
•  Hallways. Um, I think I'm not alone when I say that hallways are every child and adult's (do not act hard) fear. At any moment, Freddy Krueger and his mistresses can easily pop out of any of the multiple doorways and snatch you from the said hallway. Your parents will never know what happened to you and will be forced to tie yellow ribbons to your fence in hopes for your return. Growing up in a two-story house, with my parents' room all the way upstairs on the other side of the house was quite the traumatic experience. At night, after escaping the ominous hallway, I had to face the stairs and run up them because I always had a feeling someone was chasing me and would gnaw on my ankles. Oh, am I the only one? 
• Catheters. Oh, you're hospitalized? Let's make this experience even more non-enjoyable by inflicting further and excessively uncomfortable pain and awkward discomfort. But what color would you like your hospital bracelet to be in as we want to make your stay here as pleasant as possible.