Cool Gift Ideas, Bro.

PB & J Duo Spreader. Can we all please take a moment and just dig deep into our repressed childhood memories and softly recollect the tedious trauma of making a delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich? A separate butter knife was necessary for each jar, unless you're a monster and only used one, probably because you licked off the remnants of either jelly or peanut butter thereby leaving a nasty salivary strain of each condiment behind. You're probably the same person who drinks juice or milk straight out of the container, or who plays in traffic.

Oven mitt. Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Yes, this is real. The new line of projection cube laser keyboards available for the iPhone and iPad. How awkward, yet I see its perks. I already condemn touch-screen-only keyboards as it is. If you buy this for me for my iTouch, consider yourself defriended, which is serious, especially on Facebook.

Bernie "Made-offs" pants find new life. Literally. Entrepreneur, John Vaccaro has decided to put Bernie Madoff’s old clothes to good use with some sewing skills and transforming them into attractive iPad cases. This business venture isn’t likely to bring comfort to those who were ripped off by the crook, but it’s a clever one, nonetheless. Vaccaro got hold of Madoff’s no-longer-needed garments at an auction of the disgraced financier’s assets. These babies are going for $250.

I'm dreaming of an Orange Christmas. Jersey shore ornaments! To complete the gaudy Jersey look:

1) Be sure to use hair spray on your tree so that the branches can be easily teased and arranged.

2) Adorn with leopard tinsel, garlands, leopard pumps, mascara wands, whatever.

3) Fist pump because your tree looks like a total grenade and you're a complete loser!

Just like it says, "because sometimes sh*t doesn't happen". Oh and remember, girls don't go #2.

Nothing deters would-be bicycle thieves like a good birdie. With this lock-off bicycle lock you can roam the streets assured that your bike is safe and will drag in many confused looks.

A book iPhone dock. So people will think you actually read something and enjoy precisely standing your iPod on a flat surface. Choose from an array of literary classic covers.

How romantical! No word on any models rocking for larger couples, but may I suggest matching Christmas sweaters, fold out trays, and cup holders?

This flexible screen door will save you from looking stupid. Sort of. UV resistant mesh bounces back quicker than your embarrassment and costs a mere $30.

Um, due to past experiences and hilarious witnessings, do they make flexible sliding glass doors?